The Great Golf Ball Mystery

The other day as I was walking along a deeply sunken lane near my house I noticed this stuck in the mud on the cliff like sides of said lane.


This is just a common or garden golf ball and it took my mind back twenty or more years to the great golf ball mystery.

Golf balls kept appearing in our field and it did worry me for I was a sheep keeper at the time and the thought of golf balls descending straight on to a sheep certainly caused concern to me and may well have caused death to a sheep.

My son, on the other hand, was delighted for he had an occasional round of golf with a friend. The little course was (and is) at a local private school but my son was able to play with a friend whose mum worked at the school. Well son never had to worry about having a golf ball. A walk round our field would yield a small crop of them.

Then one day a young police constable arrived at my door. Having checked who I was and that I lived there, her next question was ‘Do you play golf?’

Well, a straight answer was needed and was very simple. I don’t play and somehow golf has never much appealed to me. But I confessed that my son sometimes played at the course by the school – well out of range of our field.

It transpired that a person who lived across our field was very concerned about golf balls in the garden. They had a young child and certainly didn’t want the little one taken out by a golf ball,

So I explained that we too received golf balls from heaven, much to the delight of my son. I mentioned that upstairs my son had a bag full of them and some, I was sure, had initials painted on them. I went and found them.

The initials, much to my amusement, were GB. I teased our officer of the law and suggested it could stand for Golf Ball!

Then, more seriously, I suggested where I thought they came from – the other side of the sunken lane. I recalled my childhood and the desire to project or throw things over huge distances. I’d have loved the idea of clonking a golf ball way over this sunken lane. As a kid, I’d have given little thought to what might happen when it landed and I felt sure I could identify it down to four houses where the balls might be clubbed from.

I suggested to our constable that she nipped down to the post office and checked out the electoral role to see if one of those houses had a G B living there.

‘Good idea’, she said and headed off.

A bit later I saw her car making its way to those suspect houses and I guess she found her person, for the supply of golf balls stopped immediately.

In a sense this is a tale of the wonderful world in which I lived then. It was a world where the police had time and resources to investigate the awful crime of clonking a golf ball into the unknown.

I suspect that amongst the people delighted that the great golf ball mystery was solved was GB himself. I reckon he (OK it could have been she) had been spending a fortune on the little white orbs merely for the pleasure of youngsters to drive them off into our field.

Actually, they weren’t that fussy about where they went (or skilled enough) for I have since heard tell of mystery golf balls over quite a wide area.


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2 Responses to “The Great Golf Ball Mystery”

  1. Pete Says:

    I seem to remember that one of the balls took out a window on the Thoms caravan…

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